A Sardonic Stare at This Summer's Energy Saga

Ah, the simmering season of summer. That blissful time when our power bills ignite like dry kindling, crackling up and up as if trying to high-five the sun. The U.S. Energy Information Administration, in all their infinite wisdom, predicts a marginally steeper dive into our wallets this year. The forecast? An average of $173 per month to keep our popsicles frozen and our pits un-stinky, compared to the $165 sweat tax of yesteryear. Get ready to fork it over, ladies and gents.

So, what’s on the doom and gloom menu for this year's U.S. Region Power Play? The Southern States, cranking their A/C like there's no tomorrow, are set to guzzle more juice than a marathon runner. Contrast that with those tree-hugging Pacific Coasters and the New England sweater-vesters who seem to think a fan and occasional ice cube down the back will do the trick. Each region to their own, right?

Why are we witnessing this theater of thermal thievery, you ask? It's partly because of the assumption that this summer will bear hug us with warmer temperatures. Cooling degree days – oh yeah, there's an actual metric for our misery – could send us into an air-conditioned frenzy, using about 3% more electricity like some kind of electrons gone wild scenario.

But hold onto your hats because there’s a twist! Despite the anticipated sizzle, we've supposedly become 6% more efficient in our air-cooling escapades since the year one could still remember what a Blockbuster video store smelled like. Are we really that efficient, or are we just sweating it out more? If the mercury starts a scorching climb, you can bet your sweaty brow that the promised efficiency gains are out the window – which, by the way, you should really keep closed if the A/C is on.

Now let’s chat about the whole generation vs. distribution costs drama. Generation costs? Apparently, those are tanking faster than a B-list celebrity's career post-twitter-drama. Thanks, renewable energy – the Earth's little helpers that don’t fluctuate as much as a gossip columnist's favor. Still, the transmission and distribution mobs are having a field day with upgrades and shiny new infrastructures, and clearly, they're not doing it for free. We're footing the bill, as per usual.

Peering across the land this glorious summer, everywhere seems set to embrace the static hum of similarity in pricing, except – plot twist – along the Pacific Coast and in the land of clam chowder, also known as New England. The Pacific states will get the pleasure of a whopping 7% spike, while the Northeast will get a mild reprieve with a 7% cutback on their bills, all thanks to the ever-fluctuating prices of natural gas and whims of the wholesale market.

Middle Atlanticians brace for impact – your wallets might feel $14 lighter each month because someone said you might use more electricity. And that’s not even considering if a summer blockbuster airs, and everyone stays in binging popcorn and cranking their individual home cinemas.

As for the Left Coasters? Fork out an extra $11 per month just because the market was as temperamental as a pre-coffee barista last year. But hey, New Englanders, go ahead and break even; your increasing power lust is matched by your falling costs. Feel free to pat yourselves on the back – or don't; it's probably too sweaty anyway.

Let’s face it; weather is about as predictable as a cat on catnip, so this electrical escapade could turn on a dime, with our wallets caught in the crossfire. If by some cruel joke, the sun decides to go full barbeque mode, we'll all find ourselves desperately fanning our scorching bank accounts, reminiscing about the good old days of incandescent bulbs and "un-smart" homes.

So, as we all inevitably fry a little on the inside about the state of our electricity bills and the globe – who can tell the difference these days? – we can take solace in knowing things could be worse. We could be stuck in an unventilated room with every politician who doesn't believe in renewable energy, listening to them explain why it's a fad while we slowly melt into a communal puddle of irony and sweat.

Such is life; such is energy economics. We’re just pawns in a game of temperature-controlled chess. Board the windows, crank the fan, and consider inviting over that friend who always seems to be cold. Worst comes to worst, there's always the option of sticking your head in the freezer for a quick chill – just remember to breathe and maybe don't tell the kids where you've stashed away the ice cream.

Source: https://www.eia.gov/todayinenergy/detail.php?id=62303